I can’t even begin to express the amusement I get from reading Scented Glossy Magazine’s distinctive blog! Emily's last post about her constant fear that Southerners are perhaps a dying breed and that our idioms are quickly fading left me curious.
I grew up in a Southern household, through and through. My Mama ironed all bedsheets and pillowcases; napkins were only cloth, never paper; we ate more wild duck and rabbit than chicken or pork; tea was served no other way but iced and sweetened; and anyone who dropped by unannounced was always welcomed with, “What can I get you to drink?” [and that didn’t mean water or tea].
Following SGM's link, I had no idea some of the words and sayings I’ve known all my life are region specific. So, do any of you non-Southerners use these words in your daily dialect, or is it just one more example of how uniquely colorful Southerners, even as individuals, can be?
• Redass/Case of the Redass ["That man cut me off on the freeway and gave me a case of the Redass."]
• All tore up about it
• Crack of day
• To give out [as in very tired]
• Have a hankerin'
• Make out like [“She made out like a bandit.”]
• Hissy
• Not about to [“I’m not about to run to the market right now.”]
• Ornery
• Ought To/Fixin' To
• Piddling around
• Running one’s mouth
• Sass
• Smack dab
• Hosepipe [instead of a hose]
• Ugly [used instead of mean, as in "God don't like ugly!"]
In addition to reading through the list of Southern vocabulary, I realized none of my favorite phrases were included. My Grandpa was one of such aforementioned, very colorful characters. There isn’t a day that passes where I don’t think of him and say his often-offensive and memorable sayings in my head. From the time I could talk until he passed away 5 years ago, I remember him spouting these quips and my Mamma always replying with a, “DADDDYYYY!” Can you imagine being raised listening to any of the following:
• He's happier than a monkey with two dicks. = Incredibly happy.
• Quieter than a mouse pissin' on cotton. = Very silent.
• He's tighter than a knat's ass stretched across a rain barrel. = He's cheap.
• Tighter than Dick's hatband. [No one knows who "Dick" was.] = see above translation
• I wish I was a rattlesnake so I could turn around and bite my own ass. = I'm so aggravated!
• It's hotter than two rats f@#*ing in a wool sock. = Basically any day in Louisiana between April & September.
• It smells like an F in a J. = Something smells terribly bad; the F in a J stood for a Fart in a Jug, of course.
• I’m fuller than a tick. = I ate too much.
• The lil' stuffed animals are gonna be in jeopardy.* = You are almost out of toilet paper.
• That's high as a giraffe's ass! = Wow, that's expensive!
• Ass busters = Slippers, primarily because Grandma kept the floors so polished.
And if you're still craving more and perhaps wondering how to eat watermelon in a sundress or drink like a Southern lady [sip...a lot], be sure to read GRITS: Girls Raised In The South. It's a darlin' book!
* This particular saying was always announced to the room at large. Never whispered quietly.
I grew up in a Southern household, through and through. My Mama ironed all bedsheets and pillowcases; napkins were only cloth, never paper; we ate more wild duck and rabbit than chicken or pork; tea was served no other way but iced and sweetened; and anyone who dropped by unannounced was always welcomed with, “What can I get you to drink?” [and that didn’t mean water or tea].
Following SGM's link, I had no idea some of the words and sayings I’ve known all my life are region specific. So, do any of you non-Southerners use these words in your daily dialect, or is it just one more example of how uniquely colorful Southerners, even as individuals, can be?
• Redass/Case of the Redass ["That man cut me off on the freeway and gave me a case of the Redass."]
• All tore up about it
• Crack of day
• To give out [as in very tired]
• Have a hankerin'
• Make out like [“She made out like a bandit.”]
• Hissy
• Not about to [“I’m not about to run to the market right now.”]
• Ornery
• Ought To/Fixin' To
• Piddling around
• Running one’s mouth
• Sass
• Smack dab
• Hosepipe [instead of a hose]
• Ugly [used instead of mean, as in "God don't like ugly!"]
In addition to reading through the list of Southern vocabulary, I realized none of my favorite phrases were included. My Grandpa was one of such aforementioned, very colorful characters. There isn’t a day that passes where I don’t think of him and say his often-offensive and memorable sayings in my head. From the time I could talk until he passed away 5 years ago, I remember him spouting these quips and my Mamma always replying with a, “DADDDYYYY!” Can you imagine being raised listening to any of the following:
• He's happier than a monkey with two dicks. = Incredibly happy.
• Quieter than a mouse pissin' on cotton. = Very silent.
• He's tighter than a knat's ass stretched across a rain barrel. = He's cheap.
• Tighter than Dick's hatband. [No one knows who "Dick" was.] = see above translation
• I wish I was a rattlesnake so I could turn around and bite my own ass. = I'm so aggravated!
• It's hotter than two rats f@#*ing in a wool sock. = Basically any day in Louisiana between April & September.
• It smells like an F in a J. = Something smells terribly bad; the F in a J stood for a Fart in a Jug, of course.
• I’m fuller than a tick. = I ate too much.
• The lil' stuffed animals are gonna be in jeopardy.* = You are almost out of toilet paper.
• That's high as a giraffe's ass! = Wow, that's expensive!
• Ass busters = Slippers, primarily because Grandma kept the floors so polished.
And if you're still craving more and perhaps wondering how to eat watermelon in a sundress or drink like a Southern lady [sip...a lot], be sure to read GRITS: Girls Raised In The South. It's a darlin' book!
* This particular saying was always announced to the room at large. Never whispered quietly.
9 comments:
Oh my God, my staunchly East Coast grandmother used "Tighter than Dick's hatband"! I loved that saying. Entirely incomprehensible yet somehow completely plausible. And for some reason I remember "Queer as Dick's hatband" but I suspect that was us kids getting it wrong.
My friend's Irish Catholic "outsideaBoston" mother has some doozies: "Homely as a bucket of clams", and my personal favorite for someone completely pitiful: "Like two cents of God-help-us, looking out the hospital window"
The tears!!! I grew up in a Midwest household in a mostly German/Polish area and some of the terms SGM used were used daily, yours however are brand new to my "Words and Sayings" box. I was doubled over reading your post! Thank you for a great laugh.
I laughed all over again at these! Stuffed animals in jeopardy, ass-busters and F in a J are my faves, but they're all brilliant. Oh man. How I would have loved to meet your Grandpa!
Too funny!!! I've heard people saying - full as a tick - which now is a very real concept with Houston's tick epidemic. Do your dogs have ticks yet? There are impossible to get rid of.
Joni
I don't know if the South has much in common with Northern Utah, but most of the Southern words you mentioned I use quite regularly. I was known for piddling around a lot when I was a kid.
As for your Grandpa...he and my dad would have gotten along swimmingly. My dad has so many sayings that I compiled them into a book with definitions.
"As useless as a one legged man in a butt kicking contest."
I had an uncle who used the "two rate f-ing" saying all the time, and I'd never heard anyone else use it before...could we be related? :)
Sparkie: I died when I read your comment! In fact, my entire family was at my house and I made them all gather round as I read it out loud. I thought my Mom was going to fall off her chair as I read, "Like two cents of God-help-us, looking out the hospital window!" Priceless.
Dolce: I'm so glad I was able to return the laugh. You're posts always leave me in stitches. You're one funny gal.
SGM: Thanks for the inspiration to write this post! And for giving me the guts to actually type half of his comments for all to read. I'm sure a few people blushed heavily at a few of those sayings!
Cote de Texas: Joni.....OMG I have no idea about Texas ticks! This is something you need to educate me on. I hope Burkly doesn't have them. We must discuss in further detail.
Tonia: You're Dad sounds hilarious. I love how these sayings go beyond regions! Everyone needs good humor - and nasty sayings - in their life.
Gin: Maybe we are related?! How funny!! You can never underestimate who you may be related to when growing up in the South :)
how did I miss this post?
I love the comments, especially sparkies! jewels. all of it.
My funny phrases come from having very formal parents. When someone came to our home, my father would ask if they'd 'like to join him in a libation' and when my friends would call after I had gone to bed, he'd say, 'I'm sorry she's retired for the evening'
just as funny all the same.
Courtney,
One of my Dad's favorites, and I don't know where he got it was, "That place has been there since Jesus was a cowboy". LOL
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