Friday, August 7, 2009

Love is Patient

After reading Laura Munson's emotive article in the New York Times, I immediately sent the link to my nearest and dearest. But before the tears were even dry, a barrage of emails discussing matters of the heart began; everyone was moved. A refreshingly simple, yet beyond difficult take on unconditional love and how one woman's patience and unwavering strength truly defines "for better or worse."

[photos by Max Wanger.]

18 comments:

Stephanie said...

I found that article incredibly moving. How lucky that guy was - he was this close to really gettting the chance to screw up his life. I studied once with a playwright who was fascinated by what she called 'hard love' - the kind of love that comes after seeing down an obstacle or dealing with a hardship, the kind of stuff that has to be at the bedrock of a life together. That article was a pretty good illustration, I think.

The Lil Bee said...

I don't know what made me read through that article, word for word, as I normally wouldn't so much as even glanced at it, but I did. What an amazing woman. I think we could all learn something from her. I almost started crying when she described their Thanksgiving together.

jae said...

when she said we might see her as weak, all i could think was weak....hardly, you seem like the strongest and most stoic person i may have ever read about. yes, very moving!

Emily said...

So I am in tears at work! Such a great article and very moving. Thanks for sharing with us!

Kate@ Kids and Cocktails said...

I don't see her as weak, but I do see her husband as a coward. The fact that her husband basically beat up on her for 6 months with his words and actions is just about more then I could take. I'm mad for her, even if she wasn't! Grrr. I read it yesterday and reading it again today makes me mad for her still.

Courtney said...

You know Kate that was my first reaction, but I think this woman is quite wise in a way. Most times people go through issues within themselves and try to "fix" the problem by changing things around them, not within them. She recognized this and I have to say, I think there's something to be said for that. I can't imagine the struggle she put herself through, but she knew her husband's heart better than he knew his own.

Debra said...

I guess this is the meaning of 'for better or worse'-'in sickness and health'- We all need our space from time to time and perhaps the other partner isn't really listening. To commit with such passion- I wish them a happily-ever-after. I saw this and stayed away from it- thanks for bringing it back to my attention.

Kara said...

GREAT article. Thanks for sharing that. And a special thanks for introducing us to Max Wanger a while back. His work is second to none.

little miss said...

Funny enough, I read this last night and sent it along to some that find it interesting, only to discover that most had already seen it, sent it to their friends, and discussed it. The very fact that it has caused to much discussion is fantastic. May this be a lesson that many of us keep for those lesser days, and the reminder that often the issues at hand lay far closer to oneself than we realize. Kudos on this woman for her strength, but mostly for her clarity and smarts to realize what was happening. (as gut-wrenching as it must have been for her)

Kate@ Kids and Cocktails said...

Courtney~ I think what you are saying makes a lot of sense, but I'm having a hard time getting past the emotional abuse from her husband. I think what she was able to do was amazing, but the fact that her partner/lover/friend was able to do it to her hurts me for her. I can forgive AND forget a lot, but I don't think I could do what she did. I guess I feel like her husband took advantage of her and her obviously large and loving heart. I'm probably more offended then she was in the end. :) I'm silly!

Susan said...

WoW! that was really a good article. It immediately flooded me with memories of other couples I know that have weathered their own storms. Storms where I wonder how they are still together... And at the essence of it all is the idea that in a marriage, a loving relationship- are two individuals that have to find their way through the world by themselves, and hopefully have the right person to walk beside them.
*sigh*.

Ryan G said...

amazing article. thank-you for sharing. I know I was in that position in my first marriage and wasn't nearly as smart as her, and didn't realize the fights weren't about "us".

Maggie May said...

It's amazing, what two people can build together.

Maggie May said...

I am now thinking of when i will one day write about this...thank you for the inspiration, the link. I did the same thing with my husband when he did this, and it turned out- I got to find out, because I stuck around a bit- that he had bipolar, and once he was treated, he was back. And he is the love of my life, so thank God.

Devon said...

I don't want to be flippant because I think that even having the courage to discuss something like this so publicly with others is unbelievable. To say that most successful marriages (how is "success" defined? not sure) don't go through something of this nature seems naieve.

But I will say that this woman has internal strength. And an apparent lack of self-absorption. I'm not sure I could have seen through 'how this was affecting me.' Perhaps that is what we learn through growing up?

TheBeautyFile said...

Wow! Courtney, thanks so much for sharing this article. I normally would pass this one by, but feel so touched by her story & see it as a kind of allegory.

It reminds me of those stories where one road {a simply paved one = symbolic of the easy and fast choice to divorce her husband} leads to a life of despair & disappointments while the other road, {perhaps quite rocky & treacherous at first glance = her choice to duck & give him the room to grow from his own conflicts} leads to a happy, more honest life together.

Loved this. Really. Loved.

Kate said...

This is a fantastic article. Sometimes making the right choice is not the easiest thing, and for this family it seems this was the right choice. I think that most would agree, as long as behavior like this isn't permanent and no one is getting hurt that it is best for families to try their hardest to stay together ... I think this is something we've lost in our culture a little (divorce rates ever climbing) and as we all usually put ourselves first in life.

I hope that should I have to cross this road in my life, I will be as strong as the author was.

JMW said...

I missed this one in the NY Times - what an amazing piece of writing and an amazing woman to have handled it in such a manner.